Whoever said there’s no such thing as a dumb question was most certainly not vegan. Like any minority community, we get our fair share of questions, many which are good, some fair and others…maddone!
Albeit this list could easily surpass 300, we’ve decided to spare you the “agita” and stick with a nice round, low number like 10. After all, you only have so many hairs on your head. It’s time to finally put the questions to bed by just answering them…duh! Bring on the snark, kids!
Top 10 Dumb Questions Asked Of Vegans
1. What do you eat?
You heard about Level 5 vegans, right? They don’t eat anything that casts a shadow. Well, they’re not TRUE vegans. You have to be at least Level 8, only eating electrons and protons.
2. So, that means you eat chicken & fish, right?
First of all, they are the same. Just ask Jessica Simpson a la 2003.
Now the vegan part of the question? See the answer to Question 1.
3. Don’t you miss the taste of meat?
Maybe if we were vampires, but we’re VEGAN. The only thing we miss are things we haven’t yet veganized. Now, enjoy this lovely ditty from Big Fat Vegan Radio!
4. Why do you care more about animals than people?
Did you know that humans were also animals? We may like cats a smidge more than humans. By a smidge, we mean A LOT.
5. Are you going to be offended if I eat <insert animal product here>?
If you make a face like that guy, then of course! Anyone would be (meat eaters, included).
6. How do you dress for winter without wool or leather?
Being at least a Level 8, the electrons and protons we absorb also become shields of warmth. That’s why we NEVER catch colds or get sick.
7. What kind of vegan are you?
Ummmm… the vegan kind?
8. Is veganism a religion?
Of course! Everything’s a religion nowadays. We have a Vegan Vatican called Vedge, which is in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania. There’s Pope Rich Landau in that photo. He’s drinking from the Chalice of Barnivore! Now, let the choir sing! “It’s like a prayer. I’ll take you there…to Veganville”
9. Isn’t it expensive to be vegan?
You do know that Whole Foods is called Whole Paycheck for a reason? I mean we’re all broke!
BTW, WTF is FLAP STEAK? Scratch that. we already know. (Sad face)
10. Can we still be friends, now that you’re vegan?
Sure, we can be friends, as long you as don’t ask us any more dumb questions about being vegan. Honestly, we aren’t THAT different.
Dishonorable mention: Where do you get your protein? Yep. THAT question.
Of course, this is all in jest! We’re more than happy to answer any questions you have about sincerely going vegan! Just post them in the comments or click on the “CONTACT US” link.